Who is louder?

Written by my friend Melissa Ford

Who are you listening to? You’ve all seen the picture with the devil and the angel so strong on someone’s shoulders trying to get them to listen to them. Right? That’s how it really is if you kind of think about it… I mean, I know I have thoughts where I battle inside my head with what to do. And it’s in daily life tasks, “I should do the dishes, I should fold the laundry, I shouldn’t watch so much tv”, right. But it’s also about the spiritual life, salvation. “I should read my Bible, but I don’t have time.” I should play with my daughter, but I’m so tired. I should be a mentor to her, show her how a Godly woman keeps a house, plays with her children, basically teaches her to be a decent hardworking, God fearing woman of God, but can I just rest for now.” This is a war inside your mind, and it literally is the enemy planting seeds of doubt, stress, and burden into you. The thing is, the enemy doesn’t know if you heard him until you listen to him.” He is not omnipresent, he is not everywhere all at one, but he has demons and devils who will try to attach themselves to you, if you allow it…if you listen. That is the only way they know they have ground to stand on, because you bought into their lies and deceit. He is not omniscient, he does not know what is in your head until you show him, by who you listen to. The Bible tells us that Jesus told His disciples that He had to go, so the Holy Spirit could come. The beautiful thing about the Holy Spirit is that He is God in the spirit!! That means He is omnipotent all powerful, omnipresent everywhere all at once, and omniscient-He already knows everything! He knows who we will listen to, before we listen to them. He knows we will listen to the wrong voice, but He still tells us how we should live, what we should do, or not do. He is the still small voice inside, and He is is a gentleman. He will not take over until you invite Him to. And yet He still pursues us even when He know we will not listen…
That’s really incredible! Who does that? Who will persist and persist and pursue someone who does not want to be pursued? Me? You? I doubt it. I don’t have the time for that, right? My first thought, Umm nope, I don’t have the heart to continue to pursue someone who does not want to be pursued. Is that a good thought, no! Heavens no, because He called us to be like Him and that’s exactly what He does! That is a fault of mine, an imperfection. I have so many!! I am by far perfect, not even close. I in this moment am not who I should be in Christ. And I know it. I was thinking about this today, the Holy Spirit has been wooing me, ever so gently and ever so softly.

I can’t tell you how long I have pushed back, not listening to Him, not allowing Him control. I’m in this moment actively still not quite sure who I am listening to more… Who is louder in my life? It’s a serious question, who is louder? Life is hard. Sometimes it sucks, like a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot.
I’d like to share a true story of my life, most have probably heard it, some maybe not. A little over 8 years ago, I delivered my first born daughter Morgynn. Matt and I had difficulty getting pregnant and so when we found out I was pregnant we were overjoyed. It was something we wanted so very badly. My first 20 weeks of pregnancy were bliss, we were over the moon. At my 20 week ultrasound we had my mom and Matt’s mom with us so they could share the excitement of finding out what we would be having. The ultrasound seemed normal to me, I had no reason to think otherwise, until after when we met the doctor in the other room. She told us they found something on the ultrasound that was concerning, so they wanted us to follow up with MFM (maternal fetal medicine). They weren’t exactly sure what was wrong, it was either a cyst on her lung, or her diaphragm hadn’t grown correctly allowing her lower abdomen content to crowd her chest cavity (Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia) CDH. Of course when I got home I researched it and was traumatized by what I found. It is rare 1 in 2500(last I looked). The survival rate is 50%, so I had half a chance she would survive this, if it was this. When I got home and found this out I was crushed. I cried, curled up on the bed and yelled at God in my own way. I was sooo mad at Him! Why, how could He do this when “people who were not as good as me” get to have babies so easily! I remember saying “I don’t even want to be pregnant then!” I couldn’t get past being mad at Him for a while. I got depressed, I wouldn’t worship in church. I didn’t think God deserved any of my praise, I was so angry with Him. I remember Donna coming to me in the pews and praying for me. Probably cause I looked like daggers were coming out of my eyes. I didn’t want to even hear praises, I was mad!! I didn’t want to be at church. We had our appointment and it was confirmed that she had CDH. We were given the option of termination or we could see some specialists at UCSF. I didn’t even think twice, no way could I not fight for her. At that moment, something in my heart changed, who I listened to changed. I just knew I could try. I think at that point maybe my heart softened, a teeny bit. I started to hope, and we started to pray. We had several appointments at UCSF. They wanted, offered a fetal surgery in which they would put a little balloon inside her throat, to allow back pressure, which would hopefully allow her lungs to grow. We prayed about it. The surgery was high risk and I could go into premature labor. I felt like it was too risky. I believed in that moment that God would heal her and she would be an overcomer. I didn’t have too many doubts. I was choosing in that moment Who was louder to me! I allowed the Holy Spirit to take over my fear and He began to lift me up. My faith grew and grew. When I was induced, you couldn’t tell me she wasn’t going to survive. I wouldn’t believe it, even when the doctors and social worker told me in the room that she had a 2% chance of survival. I didn’t want to Hear it! Now they made me mad, lol. Maybe I have a problem, lol. I get mad, and don’t listen, and I’m done with the conversation. Just ask my husband. I told you I’m not perfect, another one of my imperfections. So I was induced and pushed in the OR so they could pass her to the neonatal team through a small door in the wall where they had a team of doctors just for her. They had told us at one of the appointments that they didn’t want her to cry, they needed to control her lungs ASAP. She came out and she cried, and it was the most beautiful cry I’ve ever heard. The only cry I would ever hear. She ended up with bilateral chest tubes, and within the first couple hours she was placed on ECMO, extra corporeal membrane oxygenation. Her lungs and heart were too weak to sustain her own oxygenation, so the machine -a huge machine did it for her. It went into her right jugular vein, which they told us would never be accessible again. At that point we wanted them to do whatever they could to keep her alive and give her a fighting chance. She had wires everywhere. We would sit at her warmer for hours and watch. Some of the nurses wouldn’t let me touch her, or if they did they said just place a hand on her, they didn’t want us to stimulate her too much. She was on a paralytic and pain medicine. They would attempt to decrease her paralytic to see how she would do, but if she moved too much it was titrated back up. I stood by her warmer and sang to her and stared more than I’d like to admit at the monitors and numbers. My nurse brain wanted to focus on the numbers because my mommy brain was overwhelmed seeing what was happening to my baby girl. I have a sweet video of her coming off of the paralytic and sedation enough to react as small as it was, to my singing. In the video she opens her eyes in response to my voice, one of if not, the only times she looked at me. I look back and realize during those days, who was louder did vary, but I chose to listen to the Holy Spirit. It was touch and go daily. She would overcome hurdles and then take a turn for worse. She was in the ICN, Intensive Care Nursery and there were hardly any chairs, it was not easy to stay there for long periods. Every time I left I felt guilty for not staying more. The morning of the day she died we went to breakfast at a restaurant. I hate that I wasn’t there for her all day. It still makes me feel guilty. It’s one of the louder voices that I hear. When they took her off of ECMO the evening before she passed away, her appearance changed dramatically. She lost so much fluid and looked like a different baby in the morning. There was one nurse that was so amazing. She let me change her diaper, and encouraged me to touch her and participate in her care. She came in on her night off when they extubated her and she passed in my arms. I told her I didn’t know how she did that job, I could never do it. She was an angel. We held her for the first time in her final moments, as she breathed her last breath. You know what’s beautiful about it, the loudest voice in my head urged me to worship God in that moment. I sang to her the praises of the Lord as she entered his presence. “How great is our God” is the one I remember the most. There was, there is no doubt in my mind that she is in heaven. I knew it with everything in my body, that voice held me during that time. At my one of the most tragic times in my life, and for a while after I felt closer to God than I ever have. I felt joy that was unexplainable, hope and peace that could only come from my Loving Father in heaven. I was at my strongest faith during one of the absolute worse things a parent can go through. I stood up at her funeral and sang praises crying because of her short life. My brother and sister in law called her Miracle Morgynn because of how her story touched others lives. She was only here for 13 days and she made a huge impact. God had a purpose for her. Today I am not as close to God as I was during that time. I’ve allowed other voices to be louder in my life. I still go through periods now where I am upset and hurt that she isn’t here. My thoughts shift and doubt creeps in. “I believe Lord, but help my unbelief” is so true. I don’t understand why we had to lose Morgynn and I probably won’t while I’m on this earth. But I can remember how at my lowest and most painful part of my life, I honestly did feel the most comfort, peace, joy and rest. I relinquished my heart, my hurt, my pain to the Lord and He held me and loved me in a way I can’t explain. I want to get back to that place, the place where I utterly give everything to Him and let Him carry me where He will. I couldn’t control the situation with Morgynn, so I had no choice to give it to God. I sure hope it doesn’t take another tragedy for me to get me to that place. This thought just came into my head as I was getting ready today and my thoughts wandered. I just stopped and thought “Who is louder?” Who am I listening to? Am I allowing the voice of the enemy to stop me from the will of God and doing His purpose? It’s up to me who I listen to. The enemy or that sweet, still small voice of the Holy Spirit. Will I make the right choice every time? No, because I am not perfect. I do know that if I allow the voice of God to be louder, I will plant myself on the path of righteousness. Will I stumble and fall? Yes, we all will – we are not perfect. There was only one man who is perfect, our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the only one among us who is perfect. And even he had to decide who was going to be louder to him! He had the voice of the enemy tempting him as well and it was hard. He chose to allow the will of the Father to be louder and in doing so created a way for everyone who believes in Him to have a way to Heaven. There is none among us who is perfect. Temptations will come, thoughts from the next will creep in. We have the choice to chose whom we will listen to, whom we will serve. So once again, think about who is louder in your life?

Child Like Faith

Today I want to talk about having child like faith. If you have been a believer for any length of time, you have heard the saying to have the faith of a child. If you are not a believer or have never heard that saying you will not understand what I am talking about. There is a scripture in the bible that tells us to be like children.

Matthew 18:1-4 At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? (2) And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them. (3) And said, Verily I say unto you, Except you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. (4) Whosoever, therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

I have been a follower of Jesus for twenty years. During those years I have heard many messages preached on this scripture or on this thought. I have heard many explain what it means to be like a little child. I myself have preached on the thought of how God wants us to be like little children. In fact if we have been born again, if we are a believer in Jesus the Messiah; we have been born of the Spirit and have the right to be called a child of God.

John 1:12-13 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: (13) Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

Even though the scriptures say sons of God in this passage, God is telling us that if we believe on His Son Jesus Christ, if we have a relationship with His Son, we are born into the family of God! Have you ever stopped to think about what that means? If you call on Jesus Christ, ask Him into your heart, you are a child of God. A child of God!

1 John 3:1 Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knows us not, because it knew him not.

The Father! Our Father!

I did not grow up with a father so I did not really have any basis for beginning to understand how to relate to God as my father. I did not have any example of what a father was supposed to look like. I have seen a lot of fathers. I have seen them behave badly to their children and I have seen them behave great to their children. But I did not have that type of relationship with my father. He left when I was two years old. So when I became a believer in Jesus, God had to show me what a good father looks like. I can tell you from my own experiences God truly is a good, good father.

So, we have a heavenly Father! He loves us very much! He wants to protect us! He wants us to be like children. What does that look like?

I have friends that have school age children. Their children go to public school. If you have been following the news at all you know that our public schools are going to hell in a handbasket. What they are teaching our children is sick, twisted, and perverted. I actually thought because I live in a small town, that type of teaching would not touch us. But I was wrong.

My friends son was in English class the other day and the teacher started reading from a book out loud to the class. It was describing the fantasy a boy was having about bathing a girl and it was describing how the boy felt while looking at the girl. I will not go into details, but I am sure you can follow what I am saying. This was being read in a seventh grade classroom!

My friends son took a picture of the page and sent it to his mom. Attached to the picture was as text that simply said “Help”. This boy has a relationship with God that is strong. Even though he is young, he wants to stay clean and pure for God. He did not want to go to the dark place that book was bringing him. He quickly called for HELP!

His parents sprung into action! His dad went into the school and demanded his son not be in that class anymore. His parents went to the school superintendent to see if they knew what was being taught in that class. His parents went to the police station to see what could be done to protect their son from a teacher acting as a pedophile.

While I was praying for their son and really all the children in our public schools God showed me a couple of things I want to share with you.

God is our father! He wants to protect us from the darkness of this world. He does not want us drawn into a life of darkness and sin. He wants to protect us from the darkness that wants to corrupt us. My friends jumped to action. As the boys dad, he quickly ran to his child! He quickly pulled him out of the classroom. He sprung to the defense of his child and removed him from the presence of evil and darkness.

The boy was defenseless as a child. He did not have the necessary means to protect himself from the temptations the enemy was trying to put in his mind. As a child he needed the help of his father to intervene in the situation. The son needed his father to pull him out of danger and protect him. And I must say kudos to my friend for being such a good father! I commend him for springing into action to protect his child. That is how God wants to be with us! He wants to protect us! He wants to pull us out of danger! We wants to keep us safe!

The other side of the story is the son. He did not sit there while temptation was pulling on him. He did not sit quietly while the enemy tried to plant images in his mind that would stay with him the rest of his life. He quickly called out for HELP! That is all we need to say to God. HELP!

So many times we get involved in things we should not have been messing with. Maybe we dabbled in things that now have us hooked. Maybe we are dealing with something that isn’t sin, but is consuming our thoughts. Maybe we need financial help. Maybe we need encouragement. Maybe we need rest. Whatever it is we need, we have a Heavenly Father who is ready to spring into action! We are His children! We have the privilege of calling on our Heavenly Father to help us.

Why not be like a child and ask God to help you today? How about we stop sitting quietly by while the enemy hooks us and pulls us away from God? How about we simply say HELP! I assure you, your Heavenly Father will come running to help you, to protect you. I pray we will all learn to be like my friends son! I pray we will all learn to call on our Heavenly Father to help us.

HOPE APPEARED LOST

The In Between

light in the clouds, sun rays Light pierces the clouds

Sometimes hope comes easy. Sometimes hope is hard. Sometimes hope appears lost.

Psalms 31:24 Be strong and let your heart take courage, All you who hope in the Lord.

Sometimes life seems hard. There are many circumstances that come at us that can make it difficult to stay hopeful. Believe me I fully understand. I have had my share of heartache and frustration just like everybody else. Sometimes I feel like I got the short end of the stick when it comes to disappointment. It seems to me that when I look around at other people they are always smiling and everything always seems to come up roses. They do not seem to have all the problems that hit me. They do not seem to have all the disappointments that bombard me. Family members are well adjusted. Their financial problems seem to be nonexistent. So believe me when I tell you I understand it is hard to stay hopeful sometimes.

Psalms 31:24 tells us to let our heart take courage. This scripture is not talking to everybody. This scripture is talking to those who hope in the Lord!

Matthew 26:47-56 47 And while He was still speaking, behold, Judas, one of the twelve, with a great multitude with swords and clubs, came from the chief priests and elders of the people. 48 Now His betrayer had given them a sign, saying, “Whomever I kiss, He is the One; seize Him.” 49 Immediately he went up to Jesus and said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed Him. 50 But Jesus said to him, “Friend, why have you come?” Then they came and laid hands on Jesus and took Him. 51 And suddenly, one of those who were with Jesus stretched out his hand and drew his sword, struck the servant of the high priest, and cut off his ear. 52 But Jesus said to him, “Put your sword in its place, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword. 53 Or do you think that I cannot now pray to My Father, and He will provide Me with more than twelve legions of angels? 54 How then could the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must happen thus?” 55 In that hour Jesus said to the multitudes, “Have you come out, as against a robber, with swords and clubs to take Me? I sat daily with you, teaching in the temple, and you did not seize Me. 56 But all this was done that the Scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled.” Then all the disciples forsook Him and fled.

If we read further on or if we know our bible, we know that all the disciples fled and scattered. They forsook Jesus and ran to hide. Jesus was not surprised about this. In fact, he told Peter before hand that he would deny him. All the disciples forsook him. They all fled. These are the very people who walked with Jesus daily. They were now in the place in between.

They knew who Jesus was! They knew with all assurance that Jesus Christ was their Lord! They had walked with Him. They had talked with him. They had witnessed many miraculous signs! They were there when Jesus multiplied the fish and loaves feeding many with much left over! They were with him on the boat when he calmed the seas. They were with him when he healed the sick. They were with him when he restored the sight of the blind. They were present when he cast demons out of people. They believed he was who he said he was. They placed all their hope in him. The disciples are a lot like us.

Then suddenly all their hopes were dashed! Suddenly they looked at the situation with their own understanding, with their physical eyes and things did not seem to be going as they had planned. How many times do we do the very same thing? We think events in our life should go a certain way. How many times have you thought Jesus was going to deliver you out of a situation a certain way, but it didn’t happen the way you thought? Maybe you had to go through some things you did not want to go through.

Here all the disciples did not expect that their Lord would be taken. These events just shook their very understanding and they were in shock! What would they do now? Where would they go? Who was going to help them? Who could they turn to now? In their minds Jesus could not help them, he had just been arrested. I know I am not the only person who gets a little shaken when situations do not go as I thought they would. I am sure I am not the only person who has on occasion felt let down.

In the book of Mark we are told that in the third hour they crucified him. That is about nine am. Then Mark tells us that when the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. So that is from approximately noon until three pm. So they started out shocked. Maybe they were a little confused. How could this happen? I can imagine that from nine until noon they probably expected something to happen to turn the situation around. I can imagine they felt hopeful for a few hours. Then the reality sets in around noon when the whole land gets dark, that this is really going to happen. Their hope is about to die nailed to a cross. For the next three hours they are in darkness.

When you are in darkness you are feeling hopeless. This is the in between. This is the time between hope and belief. This the time of confusion. A time of thoughts running rampant. A time of trying to figure out what to do. A time of trying to see the big picture. A time of reflection. Darkness grips you….

Then we are told that at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice saying, Eloi, Eloi, Lama sabachthani. Which is interpreted as My God, My God, why has thou forsaken me? To the disciples now is the time when all hope seems lost. They are blinded by darkness and all seems lost. Remember the disciples had walked with Jesus for three years and now in a matter of hours it appeared to be over. For six hours they watched their hope nailed to a tree. Imagine their shock and disbelief! His mother watched as her son hung on the cross! Imagine what she must have been thinking about while she watched her son on the cross.

Luke 1:28-33 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that are highly favored, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou among women. (29) And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be. (30) And the angel said unto her, fear not, May: for thou has found favor with God. (31) and behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus. (32) He shall be great and shall be called the Son of the Highest and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David. (33) And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever, and of his kingdom there shall be no end.

Can you imagine the thoughts that must have been going through Mary’s mind? He would reign for ever and his kingdom would have no end? How is that going to happen? Darkness and hopelessness. Things surely were not working out the way anybody would have expected. They were there in darkness watching their hope die. They were all in the in between place. That place where hope has died and the belief for something better. Darkness grips us and can incapacitate us. That place where all seems lost. Where it seems there is not a positive solution. Where it feels as if you are going to die from hopelessness and darkness.

Then what happens? We are told that Mary Magdalene goes to the tomb on the third day. She sees that the tomb is empty. Quickly she runs to spread the latest developments. She tells everyone that the tomb is empty. She tells them they took Jesus. So basically they took the last bit of hope she had. He was gone. Now everybody runs to the tomb. They all see that the body of Jesus is gone. In a panic they all run back to the city. All except Mary Magdalene. She stays. She stays in the last place she saw Jesus. She stays where she is and Jesus revealed himself to her.

In an instant all her hope is back. For those who ran back to the city they were still living in darkness. Mary had hope. Mary had seen Jesus. Her hope had been restored. What seemed impossible had happened! Christ rose from the dead and revealed himself to Mary.

We are coming into a time when we will need to hang on to all the hope we can. We all need to stay with Jesus. Do not run away. Do not allow the darkness to over take you. Christ told us what to look out for. He told us what the future would look like. He told us that all would go through things. He told us to hold on to hope. If you have walked away from Jesus because you lost your hope. I urge you to reconsider your decision. Call on Jesus. He wants to reveal himself to you in a fresh way. He wants to chase the darkness out of your circumstances and give you hope. Will you call on him today?